mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
