It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
