My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize