yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize