there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
