You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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