He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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