dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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