Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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