You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
