how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
