Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
