ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
