there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
