Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
