I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
