Will you blow on my dice?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
