It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
