Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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