Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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