I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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