Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
