OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
