Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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