If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
