dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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