You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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