I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm too high and old for this...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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