I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
