You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
