Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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