i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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