You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize