If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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