He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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