So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
