The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
