Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
