Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
