i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize