WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize