**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
