he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i need to put some appletini on your dick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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