You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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