Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
