grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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