Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
