A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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