Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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