Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
