Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
