i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
