I showed him my bush... on skype.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
