My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
