Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
