The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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